A Discussion
by zosimos
Summary: Ed sulks, and Roy snarks. Clearly they're made for each other.


"This is bullshit," Edward Elric said, dropping onto the couch dramatically, boots thudding onto the coffee table that separated the two couches in the office. "This is BULLSHIT, and you know it, Mustang."

Roy Mustang didn't even look up. "Good afternoon, Fullmetal."

"Fucking bullshit."

"I see that your vocabulary has expanded immensely since the last time we met." Roy set the pen in its inkwell to rest and put aside the signed paperwork. When he looked up, Edward was glaring at him through bangs bleached the color of spun gold by the summer sun. "Are you referring to the situation with Colonel Murphy, or the results of the examination to re-certify for a State Alchemist's position?"

Edward's head shot up, he had moved into the classic sulking pose with his arms crossed and chin on his chest. "WHAT situation with Colonel Murphy, I've been in the East, whatever he's saying he's LYING, he's a lying bastard sack of shit and deserves whatever the fuck-"

"Fullmetal, he's dead."

Edward's diatribe cut off mid-sentence. A brief pause, and Edward's eyes flicked to Roy's cautiously. "I didn't do it."

"I didn't say you DID - what have you been _doing_ if you think that's going to be my first reaction?"

"Murphy was a jackass," Edward said instead. "What happened?"

"Ishbalan extremists attacked a military train transferring garrisons." Roy's eyes returned to the paperwork on his desk. "It's made things very difficult getting personnel settled, Murphy had a larger garrison and it's been cut down by a quarter." He shuffled his paperwork. "Now what minor issue has you storming into my office so early this morning?"

Edward's original rant had been cut out from under him, but now he remembered his true purpose. He hopped up, and stormed to Roy's desk, slamming a hand on it. "You helped Alphonse take the State Alchemist's exam."

"I did," Roy said, unperturbed.

"You went behind my back!"

"Despite your ferocious sense of brotherhood, Edward, Alphonse _is_ an adult and if he wishes to sit for the examination-"

Edward leaned in close, his eyes dangerous and pinned on Roy's. "You went. Behind. My. BACK."

Each word was enunciated, slowly and clearly, as if Roy wouldn't understand what Edward meant by them. Roy was unimpressed by Edward's display, however. He sat back in his chair and simply raised an eyebrow, and it became a contest of wills, gold versus slate.

"Your brother is an adult," Roy murmured, refusing to back down against Edward's ironclad stubbornness. "Despite your insistence to the contrary, and if he wishes to become a State Alchemist as well there is little you can do to stop him."

"Maybe _I_ can't, but you certainly can."

"And why would I do a thing like that?"

"Bastard, you _know_ what this military uses its State Alchemists for, how can you let AL-"

"Edward, you re-certified." Roy's eyes fell to the documents on his desk, then back up to Edward's. "Why would YOU stay in the military as a human weapon?"

Edward's face was heating, whether with rage or something else was hard to determine. It was somewhat endearing, that red flush that started across his nose and spread all the way to the tips of his ears. "You know why," Edward muttered, suddenly finding the desk more interesting as well.

And Roy did, of course, know why. If Edward dropped out of the State Alchemist program, there was no guarantee he would be assigned again to Mustang's garrison as an enlisted soldier. As a State Alchemist Edward was already in the door with the rank of Major. Anywhere else in this military and Edward would have likely been court-martialed by now.

That left the mystery of why Edward was so gung-ho about staying in this military, but Roy knew the answer to that, as well.

"But if you're sponsoring Al, what's going to happen when he passes the examination?" Edward returned hotly. "There's no way anyone with two brain cells to rub together would let us be in the same unit."

"That is why I am sponsoring him on behalf of General Grumman," Roy said. "You should be less concerned with Alphonse, Fullmetal, and more concerned with YOUR recertification exam."

Edward straightened finally, and crossed his arm sulkily. "I already took that."

"Yes, and you're going to be retaking it, or did you really think a monument to General Howard's...ahem, shortcomings ... was appropriate?"

"He's a dick."

"Be that as it may, it doesn't mean you go around shouting it from the rooftops. Honestly, without Alphonse around to keep you in check you lose what LITTLE sense of tact you had to begin with."

Edward bristled at that, as Roy had intended him to. "Please don't blow this second chance I got you - Howard was calling for your HEAD, Edward, I can't protect you from your own colossal stupidity all the time. The only reason you even squeaked by getting away with this was because the acting-Fuhrer genuinely thought it was hilarious."

"I don't even see the point of having to re-certify," Edward grunted. "What, do they think my skills got RUSTY in the whole twelve months since the last time we had this circus?"

Roy picked up his pen from the inkwell. "You could always opt to just take the written exam, you know. No one is making you take the practical."

"The written exam is boring, a five-year-old could pass it with their eyes closed!"

"Not everyone is a prodigy, Fullmetal. Some alchemists found the written examination quite difficult." Roy glanced up at Edward, who now had his back to Roy, arms still crossed. "Are you sulking about the fact you have to take it again?"

"NO!" Edward very nearly shouted. "I am not _sulking_, you _bastard_!" He turned an acid glare on Roy. "I am _pissed_ because you helped my brother go behind _my_ back to take the fucking examinations."

Roy was beginning to develop a headache, Edward was as petulant at eighteen as he was at fourteen.

It was true, Alphonse had gone behind Edward's back. He had written letters to Roy declaring his intentions, begging him to keep it from his brother until it was too late to stop the process. Even if he didn't outright say it, Roy could read between the lines. Alphonse wanted the backing of the military's budget so he could research a way to restore Edward's limbs. Edward had very nearly sacrificed it all for Alphonse, finding a way to reunite Alphonse's soul with his flesh body and now Alphonse wanted to do the same.

Edward would have none of it. He loathed his automail, but he was done with his insane childhood risk-taking. They were both alive, they were both as intact as possible and to Edward, that was the best ending possible. Considering that Edward had gone off prepared to die, it was definitely more of a happily ever after than he ever thought he'd get.

And Roy _knew_ he had been prepared to die. He had seen it in Edward's eyes when they left that last time, and he had wanted to stop the brothers in their tracks, divert them with some kind of mission or other distraction or something, _anything_. Edward had wormed himself so easily into Roy's life that the thought of him vanishing from it completely was something that he just could not even fathom.

But he did not stop them. This was what Edward joined the military for. This moment, this chance. He was going to gamble it all to save Alphonse and if Roy tried to stop them Edward would never, ever forgive him.

Roy had fully expected never to see Edward again; so he was almost overjoyed to hear of the massive destruction of an unused garrison outside of North City and the two young alchemists found at the epicenter of the blast. Edward was not exactly unhurt, but he was as whole as he had ever been. And Alphonse...

It was the first time Roy had ever actually _seen_ Alphonse Elric. Sure, he had pictures to reference but the entire time he had know the brothers, Alphonse had been in the armor. It was shocking to see those same bright, fiercely intelligent golden eyes in a different face. His hair had been freshly cut, the ends sticking up; his face gaunt and limbs weak. But his voice was strong, and despite that weakness he was guarding his unconscious brother with the ferocity of a lion.

Roy almost jumped, snapped out of his reverie by Edward's metal palm slammed flat on his desk. "Were you staring at my ASS?"

His eyes snapped to Edward's face, Edward looked fit to kill and he could not help needling it further. "And what if I was?" Roy murmured, slipping the edge of a purr into his voice. "It's such a well-formed ass, a piece of art almost."

If Edward's face heated any more it would turn purple. "Y-You are such a, such A-"

"Such a what, Fullmetal? It can be so hard to understand you when you stutter."

Edward looked as if he was going to burst a blood vessel, perhaps Roy should reel it back in before this turned ugly. However, before he could even open his mouth it was Edward who shut his eyes and ground his teeth together, taking several deep breaths as he did so. Without opening his eyes, but keeping his voice remarkably level, Edward said, "I fucking hate you _so much_ sometimes, Mustang."

"And the rest of those times you love me," Roy murmured.

At that Edward's eyes did snap open, fierce and gold and no longer mind-numbingly pissed. He was looking at Roy with an intensity he usually saved for the bedroom, and once again Roy was stricken by how fervent and possessive his expression could be. Edward Elric _owned _Roy Mustang, body and soul ... and they _both_ knew it.

Edward looked away sullenly, and the moment was lost. "Do I _really_ have to take the fuckin' test again?"

"If you wish to remain a State Alchemist, then yes."

"That dickwad Howard isn't gonna be there again, is he? 'Cause I can't promise I won't _accidentally_ try to blow him up if he is."

Roy had since folded his hands in front of his face, the better with which to mask the smile he barely stifled. "As much as I - and I'm sure a good percentage of the other officers stationed here - would appreciate Howard's removal, I would greatly prefer you not attempt to "accidentally" assassinate anyone again."

"Hey, that was a _genuine_ accident," Edward said, injured. "If I had known the reaction was gonna rebound like that, I would have pointed it at you or somethin', not some fuckwit from a backwater village who probably sees more action from the sheep than the shepherds do."

"You do turn such a delightful phrase."

"Fuckin' shove it up your ass, Mustang." Edward put his hands on his hips and sighed. "Am' I gonna have to go to Murphy's funeral? Because I might sincerely have to vomit on someone."

"He was a decorated military officer, Fullmetal. I rather suspect most everyone will be required to attend."

"_Dammit._ And I'll have to fuckin' wear the uniform again. I have no idea where that damn thing is, do you know?" Edward cocked his head and glared at Roy.

"You can't even keep track of your own articles of clothing without Alphonse nannying you, hm?" Roy finally put down his hands and picked the pen back up from his inkwell. "It's still in my closet, you left it on the floor in a fit of pique, if you remember."

"Oh yeah." Edward did not sound like he remembered. "Wonder if it still fits. I should come over and, uh, pick it up or somethin', shouldn't I?"

"Or something," Roy murmured, staring at the requisition paper that was in front of him. He could feel Edward's eyes on him and he signed his name with a flourish. "When should I expect you?"

"I dunno," Edward said. "What are you makin' me for dinner?"


End file.
